We live in a world where we believe we need to be right, correct, and perfect. We have this idea of how we want to be perceived by people and this gives us a sense of security. When we face situations that don’t align with that idea in our head, we tend to become angry, triggered, upset, we feel like we are losing control of the situation and start behaving in ways that are quite the opposite (without even realizing).
It’s like a switch flips within us and we start imposing our beliefs and thoughts to regain control. When this doesn’t work, things escalate, and we feel a sense of hurt and defeat as we get locked in that vicious cycle.
Let’s take a step back. Take a deep breath and look at what is really going on here.
The first question to ask is why do I need to be so perfect? What am I insecure about? What is this ‘trigger’? Is it even possible to be perfect or is it something we are conditioned to believe so we are loved and accepted?
Most of these triggers come from our childhood, where we were told to behave or excel and then we were loved and praised (i.e. false sense of security). Anything opposite that your mind reads as unloved and criticized (i.e. false sense of insecurity).
The root cause is deep feelings of insecurity and then a loss of control. It’s time to heal that inner child in you. It’s time to love him/her and give that child in you the understanding, patience and tolerance he/she requires. It’s alright, you are always doing the best you can. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being human and being human means experiencing everything and not identifying it as who you are.
Of Course, you are loved! Of Course, you matter! and of course, you are fully capable of having all that you desire, because that’s who you are. Anything else is not you. It’s just how you see yourself and maybe now is the time to change that.
- Taking a step back and looking at the whole picture brings back a sense of control, if I lack understanding I lose my patience and in turn have no tolerance. I end up getting upset and act at an impulse, the repercussion of which are clearly not healthy in the long run.
- Why am I scared of being judged?
- Why do I get so aggressive & provoked? – loss of control
- Why am I trying to please people?
- PUT (Patience, Understanding & Tolerance) perspectives for a happy life
By: Rashmi Seth